The warrior with the five stars on his helmet cannot fight off the hooded man carrying the scythe.
General George S. Patton fears no one. But now he is flat on his back in a hospital bed. His upper body is heavily bandaged, the result of a bicycle accident twelve days ago. His bruised and bleeding head should be bandaged too, but the doctors could not pry off the helmet with the five stars on it, which Patton had welded to his skull in 1942.
The lethal man in the hood bobs and weaves around the bed, searching for an opening.
“Come on, you lousy bastard,” snarls Patton. “I’ve whipped tougher specters than you.” Even though paralyzed from the neck down, the fierce old soldier manages to pull his heavy, gold-plated, .49-caliber automatic from its brown leather holster and squeezes off three rounds.
But Death is spry for an apparition, and dodges the bullets. Now he sees his chance, and the terrible, razor-sharp scythe comes hurtling down.
“Ouch,” says Patton, the last word he will ever speak, unless you count the long string of obscenities. But they trail off after 20 or 30 minutes.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Of course, the man in the hood with the scythe wasn’t the real killer of George M. Patton. He is what we best-selling authors and our ghost writers call a literary device. The fact is that Patton was murdered by a Soviet agent wearing the uniform of an American GI. That agent, a SMERSH assassin named Sergei Malevolentikov, deliberately rammed his red, sixteen-gear Schwinnsky racing bike into Patton as the great general crossed a busy street in downtown Vienna, causing massive internal and external injuries. Malevolentikov then disappeared—Did you hear that? he disappeared!—and has never been located. Not too suspicious, huh?
Why did the Kremlin target Patton?
Because the Russians feared that Patton would reveal to the world that they were Communists, which would have immediately doomed America’s love affair with dictator Joe Stalin and his United Soviet Socialist Republic. They knew Patton had figured out the scam, and would tip off his brother-in-law, FBI Chief J. Edgar Hoover.
They also knew that Patton’s influence with President Franklin J. Roosevelt and Army Chief of Staff Gen. Dwight E. Eisenhower was enormous. It’s well known that both men had the highest regard for Patton’s savvy political opinions and frequently sought his counsel.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Now believe me, I know that my findings are going to stir up a veritable hornet’s nest. The same thing happened with my books on Abraham Lincoln, John J. Kennedy and Jesus Christ. I proved conclusively that all three of these great Americans were also murdered—despite some whining from so-called “intellectuals” that I got a few minor historical facts wrong.
Look, I’m a bold, controversial guy who makes provocative assertions in a very loud voice. My millions of fans understand that. They know I go for the big picture and tell the big truths. I leave it to the snarky professors to worry about crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s.
My next book, The Assassination of Elvis, will be even more startling and controversial. I’ll show how Elvis Presley was brought down by the Black Panthers and Occupy Wall Street, and I’ll do it with my usual audacious flair.
It will be out soon. The research for the book is almost done. I started it yesterday