★★★★ I’d never heard of this great war until some acquaintances from Germany came by and insisted that my friends and I try it. Though the combat was much too noisy and the ambience was crap (I found a rat in my trench!), the sheer scale of the conflict was exquisite and the stupendous shelling literally took my breath away. Kudos to the artillery spotters!
★★★ I wasn’t a fan of previous conflicts between France and Germany, but this time they’ve nailed it. The Western Front serves up the biggest, bloodiest battles I’ve ever tasted and this new entry, the “tank,” is an exciting addition to the weapons menu. If there’s any disappointment, it’s the Russian front–hard to get to and a bit raw for my taste. But chacun a son gout!
★ When I enlisted, I was led to believe that this would be a quick, fun fight with lots of opportunities for advancement in rank and personal glory. Instead, I found it to be an appalling quagmire of carnage and mindless destruction. Also, the food is subpar. Having chosen to desert, I won’t be returning to this war and cannot recommend it to anyone who really cares about fine dying.
★★★★★ Superb! I came here with a party of 1,600 and though we were walk-ins, we were immediately shown to the front lines. About 650 of us had the Somme while the others opted for the Verdun special. We were more than satisfied, and a few of us even survived. I’ll definitely be coming back for more, not necessarily by choice, and I can’t wait to see what surprises those wizards Ludendorff and Hindenburg whip up next.
★★ This trendy conflict is so overrated. The enemy spent nearly an hour chatting behind their barbed wire and when they finally attacked us, they were surly and rude. The machine-gunning, which I’d heard so much about, was uninspired, and the so-called aerial combat could best be described as crude. On the upside, at least you do get plenty of complimentary mustard gas. Overall, I hear there’s a bigger and better world war being planned by the proprietors; I’ll wait for that one.