Ape man not have night stand. Keep books under rock. Me read lot of social anthropology and environmental studies. Also, any book that discusses how to fight lions with knife. Right now, Tarzan reading Jared Diamond’s “Guns, Germs and Steel.” Me on page three.
How long have you been reading it?
Five years. Tarzan slow reader.
What book most influenced your development as a heroic adventurer and fighter for justice in the jungle?
Me brought up by apes; they no read. So not start till age 27, after go to England, become Lord Greystoke. Then Tarzan read bio of Lord Byron. Decide want to be just like him, have adventures, see far-off lands, do sex thing with pale, swoony ladies and gentlemen. Except Tarzan no write poetry, instead fight lions with knife.
Do you read any fiction?
Sure. Tarzan especially enjoy novels that rip away thin veneer of civilization, expose savagery beneath. “Lord of Flies” real good, and Bram Stoker’s “Dracula.” “Heart of Darkness” has compelling plot, evocative symbolism, but Conrad get jungle foliage all wrong. Tarzan borrow “Fifty Shades of Grey” from Jane, but it make Tarzan blush.
What’s the last book that made you laugh?
“Julius Caesar” by William Shakespeare. Everyone talk funny, wear too much clothes, look silly. All you need is loincloth. You wear toga, knife get caught in folds when you try whip it out for killing lion.
The last book that made you cry?
“Moby Dick.” That very sad book. If only Tarzan be there, me wrestle evil whale, kill him with knife, save Captain Ahab.
Any books that did not live up to your expectations?
“War and Peace.” Me enjoy epic scale and historical realism, but Cheetah eat book before me can finish. Tarzan disappointed. Tolstoy masterpiece should have stronger binding, be able to withstand rigors of tropical climate, molars of chimp. This flaw in book make Tarzan angry. Tarzan beat chest in frustration, scream real loud.
But surely, you can’t blame Tolstoy for that.
Hey, Tarzan is simple creature with primitive code of morality. Me believe people either good or evil. You come into jungle, try to make off with precious carved idol of native tribe, Tarzan kill you, eat your heart, beat chest, scream real loud.
Has Tar…have you ever thought of writing a book yourself?
Tarzan once approached by American publisher to write memoirs. Ape man come up with great title: “Me Tarzan, You Reader.” But then Tarzan have big fight with editor. Editor evil. Him want cut chapter on vine-swinging technique. Him say put in sex with apes. No! Tarzan no write sex with apes. Me role model for youth. Tarzan bash in brains of editor, leave rotting corpse for jackals. Triumphant scream echo throughout entire jungle. This happen years ago but natives still giving Tarzan high fives.