I don’t usually do this sort of thing; in fact, I never do this sort of thing, but since everyone else is doing it, while at the same time pretending they’re the first one who thought of it, I’m going to do it, too. Because, after all, who am I not to do it? Anyway, it occurs to me that all my Facebook friends—even though I’ve never met the majority of you—are wonderful, caring, supportive people with whom I’ve shared all the most important moments of my life—my triumphs, my failures, my birthdays, my frequent illnesses and mental breakdowns, my kitten photos, my stalkings of various actresses, and my links to brilliant political articles from great websites like Upworthy.com that are so much more perceptive than the shallow, cliché-ridden political articles that most of you link to. I am happy to have you all as friends, but often I find myself wondering who is a real friend. Now we shall see. Those of you who take the time to read this message to the end, even though it’s long and tedious, please copy it into your status and inscribe it on your wall. Then go to my wall and leave a message recalling how we met and what our first words to each other were and what you were really thinking. Then copy and paste it onto the timeline of another friend. Then go on Twitter and tweet it to just one stranger you’ve never met. Then send it to me on a postcard, so that I can leave a message for you, a message of love and desire and bittersweet pain. (Oh and by the way, don’t forget to hit the Like button on this message) If you follow this easy request, I will know you are a true friend who really loves and admires me, perhaps with just a touch of envy, and not some loathsome creep who won’t even bother to take the quick, simple loyalty test that genuine friendship cries out for.