Jan. 07 2012 — 5:39 pm | 808110 views

Santorum Surges Ahead of GOP Field in 16th-Century Spain

By Lewis Grossberger | Grossblogger.com

Rick Santorum has taken a commanding lead over Mitt Romney and other Republican candidates for U.S. president in 16th-Century Spain, where is he is widely admired, a new Gallup poll has revealed.

“We really like his strict stands against gays, abortion, condoms and premarital sex and of course, his staunch opposition to Obama the Moor,” said Friar Sebastian de Montoya, an assistant torturer for the Inquisition in Seville. “We all wish we could vote for him but alas, there are no elections here.”

Before the Iowa primary, the U.S. presidential race had aroused little interest in the far-flung Spanish empire. But that changed when Santorum came within eight votes of upending front-runner Mitt Romney. Signs reading “Nos Encanta Ricardo de Pennsylvania” popped up in Spanish cities and a rumor circulated that King Carlos I had ordered a galleon to be loaded with pieces of eight and sent across the sea to try to find Santorum campaign headquarters to make a donation.

“We 16th-century Spaniards look at Rick Santorum and see a man whose values are in accord with our own,” said Sancho Panza, a knight’s squire from La Mancha. “If I have any quibble, it is that he has never spoken up on the issue of rooting out Marranos and conversos and sending them to the audo-da-fe, but I am sure that eventually he will.”